One of the hardest things in life is having to smile when your heart is breaking into a million pieces. The bad part is that it is the one that you love the most that with one word can literally rip out your heart and stomp the life out of it. My husband doesn't fight fair he knows exactly how to crush my very sole. I have been a faithful wife for 20 years. Not one time have I ever even thought about cheating on him. I mean why would I? I know how that makes a person feel and I know that once that trust is lost it can never be fully restored. Also I am not a list because that is one of my biggest pet peeves. So when my husband wants to pick a fight he accuses me of cheating and calls me a liar. These 2 things hit me like a ton of bricks every time. Even though I know that is what he is doing it doesn't make it any easier. It still crushes me and makes me cry. Just because I know something that he is saying is a lie doesn't make it any easier to handle. Then when I just can't take it anymore and I get up and go in the living room what does he do, he follows me into the living room and keeps on aggregating me. Oh until he decides that he needs sleep because he has to work tomorrow and then he asks me to come back to bed. I just wish he would leave me alone because he only makes things worse by saying hatful things. Then when everything is said and done he will apologize and expect me to just forget everything he has said. Oh let's see, I am a cheater, a liar, lazy, fat, stupid, gay and whatever else he can think of at the time. I personally don't see how you can tell someone that you love them and then turn around and say such nasty things to them. Also how can you stomp on someone's heart and then be like oops and expect them to just suck it up and forget everything you did. That might work a couple of times but when you keep doing it over and over eventually those things get burned into your brain and they never fully go away. I just wish that things could be different and that he would actually love me the way that I thought that he once did. Was it me? I mean did I change and in turn cause him to fall out of love and feel as though he is trapped and that is why he treats me the way he does. Or did he never really love me and now he feels trapped with no way out? Or maybe he does love me but he is dealing with some mental issues and he needs professional help. I for one am hoping it is the last one because I really don't want to think about the other 2.
