When life punches you in the face

Yesterday was awful. I was running on little to no sleep and it looks like today isnt going to be much better. My daughter was arrested because she got tired of being knocked around by her boyfriend and she faught back and he called the police. She is going to be on an ankle moniter until April when she goes back to court. I am so stressed over all this mess because she wants to come home but she cant for a while now and she is all alone. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to pack up and go be with her for all of this but I dont know what to do. If only we could. Plus we are moving and we dont know where. My husband likes his job but if worse came to worse i know he could find a new one. I really hate living here and so does he. Well today I have an appointment with a psychologist and I hope it helpes because right now my nerves are completely shot. Which isnt a wonder because look at all that is going on in my life. The kids are also in rare form. They hate school and every morning is a fight to get them to get up and ready and to the car. They dont want to keep their room clean and getting them to take a shower is like pulling teeth.  All they ever want to do is be glued to their tablets online. They dont want to play with their toys and they have a lot of really nice things. I dont know what to do I am at a loss. I know for me my mind has a lot of things that it wants to do but I don't have the energy. It is like the minute that I get one room clean and go to the next three room I just cleaned is dirty all over again. If the kids would just clean up after themselves it would make my life so much easier. Cleaning up after grown kids is getting crazy. Some changes have got to be made and the sooner the better for everyone. Something soon has to give because I dont know how much more stress i can take. Tomorrow I go for the second set of gel injections in my knees.

At a crossroads

We seem to be at a crossroads in our life right now because we don't want to continue living where we are but we are not sure as to where we need to move to. We would love to move back to Florida but that would mean my husband giving up his job. Although him finding another job really isn't a problem because there is work there too and him finding a job has never been hard for him to do. It would mean packing up and leaving which might not be a bad thing and our daughter lives there. We have nothing here in Kentucky even though his family lives here. They are not close it is like they only want you around when you are doing something for them. I really hate it here and I really want to move but I am not going to push to get my way. I am just going to see what happens. The doctors in Florida were much better there. The weather is better so that is less pain for me and him. Even talking too him he wants to leave but I think he is nervous about it. I think I am going to talk to our daughter later and see if she can help.  Something has to give because I know we are both miserable here. At least there maybe we would have a little help with the kids so that way me and him could have a date night every now and then because right now we have no alone time because there is no one here that will watch the kids for us and it isn't like they are bad kids either because everyone says that they are well behaved.  It is hard to trust people with your kids especially when the family doesn't treat your kids as blood.  It is hard when people that are supposed to be family treat others better. I don't mean to sound so negative but all of it is true. I hate feeling this way and I know that he does too.  Even the kids are not happy here. The school sucks. I am not saying that the teachers don't seem nice but the way the kids say things are I am not happy with the school at all.  The kids that go to school there are a bunch of heathens. They act out by hitting and calling names and they are racist.  I have tried to teach our children not to see color but to look at who the person is by the way they act but this school undermines everything I have taught them because it is prominently black and the kids are awful and the adults really don't do anything to help the matters. I am hoping that my husband will see that this move might be the best for us all. I love my husband and I will stand behind him with whatever decision he makes. On another note I think that the gel injections are helping because I don't feel as much pain in them although I am having pain in my right shoulder still and now in my right elbow. I have told my doctor numerous times and she has done nothing to help me. Also my fybro kills me at times and my doctor does nothing for it. The rheumatologist that she sent me to gave me some cream to rub on the painful areas and told me to tak motrin. The heart doctor said I am fine even though my cardiologist in Florida saw me every 3 months and we keeping an eye on me because of my heart problems and had me on medication for it. Also I saw a pulmonologist here that said my COPD and asthma went away even though the pulmonologist in Florida saw me every 3 months and had everything stabilized with medication.  Now here I have chest pains and sometimes have a hard time getting my breath. I have lost weight so they can't use that as an excuse so I am at a loss as of what to do when the so called professionals don't even help. My headaches have come back also. I have the daith piercing which helped with the migraines but not completely removed the headaches. Something has to give somewhere I just hope soon.

pain pain and more pain

OK so Friday I went to the knee doctor and had gel injected into my knees.  It felt a little more painful like pressure while injecting but, nothing as bad as the cortisone shot I once had in my foot.  I will never again have one because the pain was so bad and I can handle shots but, that is something that I never want to experience again.  On the other hand the gel injections for my knees are not to bad and I have to go back 2 or 3 more times, once a week until the series is done.  I am hoping that this gives me some relief because I already suffer from fybro pain and that pain with it does not help.  It has only been a couple of days since the injections and I am already feeling slight relief from them.  I am going to have to make an appointment with my doctor to have my right elbow checked because it is causing me some  pain and I need to find out why.  My husband has severe back and leg pain due to problems and I feel sorry for him because I really know how it feels to be in constant pain.  He has been to the doctor but their only answer for everything is injections which he has done in the past and they did not help him.  The doctor in Florida finally got he pain level manageable but then we moved to Kentucky and the doctors here are of no help to people who really need pain medication.  I really hope that someone can help him soon.  We are now awaiting our taxes to come back so we can move because where we are living now has become not so great anymore due to the fact that we can have nothing in our garage or on our porch because people have the guts to walk right up and steal whatever they feel they want.  I am so sick of it because that is not how I want to live.  Also the tiles in the kitchen and the dining room and bedroom and living room have come up and the landlord will not repair it and our refrigerator  has went out again and we have had to get our own and the stove is a hunk of junk that he installed after the first one quit.  Also the central air is out and he stuck in 2 air conditioners which we had to go buy adapter plug ins because this place is not equipped with 3 prong plug ins.  I have a deep fryer that I cannot even use because it blows the breaker every time I turn it on.  There is so much that is wrong with this house that we really just want out, we have been here over a year to long.  Now I have to go find some boxes so that way I can start packing for our big move to who knows where.

Movie review and more

OK so I went and saw Fifty Shades Darker and oh boy was it a really good movie.  I was so excited to have some me time and on top of that for the movie to really be awesome, well that just made my time even more enjoyable.  I went to the Movie Tavern in Nicholasville, KY.  The service there is great and I would highly recommend this place to anyone looking to have a good time in a really relaxing atmosphere.  I am hoping to take the kids there soon to watch a movie because they have an arcade and a kids menu.  The seats are awesome because they recline and have a table so you can eat in comfort.  You have your own button so that way if you need a refill on anything your waitstaff can provide it for you.  You don't have to miss a minute of your movie because they are there to provide you with anything that you might need.  Just remember that if they treat you good to please take care of them at the end of your movie because they are trying to make a living and this is their job.  I have had some lousy waitstaff at other places in my day and believe me if they do a sorry job then I won't leave a tip.  I believe that if a waitstaff wants their tips then they must earn them with a good attitude and prompt service.  I don't expect them to go beyond their duties to make  me feel like a queen I just expect them to do their job without an attitude problem.  I understand that everyone has good and bad days but, when you are working for tips it is best to leave your nasty attitude and bad day at the door, especially if you expect to make any money.  I used to be a waitress and I didn't always make the best money and no it wasn't because I had an attitude because I always checked that at the door, I think sometimes it is just because some families scrape together enough money to finally take their family out for an evening or afternoon that sometimes they just don't have the extra cash to leave a tip.  I know there has been times when that has been the case in our family.  I do feel bad about not being always able to leave a tip but, when we are able we always make sure to take care of the ones that take care of us.  OK now about some things that I am dealing with right now.  I feel like a big blimp and that I am gaining weight.  I am able to fit into smaller jeans but, on some days I am retaining water and it feels like I am being squeezed to death in jeans that were too big the day before.  I feel depressed and I am not sure what to do.  I have tried to "just shake it off" but, that is not the case it doesn't work like that.  I have lost interest in everything that once made me happy and that scares me.  A few months back my doctor added a medicine to my long list of crap but, even that has not helped and it feels like I am getting worse.  It is even to a point where every time I eat anything I feel guilty and then I feel sick.  I am going to try to make an appointment to see a psychologist because something has got to give somewhere, I can't go on feeling like this.  No I do not have feelings of suicide, some people might but I am not one of those people.  It seems that anytime you tell someone that you are depressed the first thing that pops into their minds are "oh no she is suicidal" and that is just not the case with me because I could not imagine not being here for my family.  I will keep y'all posted on everything and let you know.  Some days I just feel like I am going through the motions with life and the pain from the fybromyalga doesn't help it is just a constant that is always there and makes me feel like a failure at times because I can't do all the things that I want to do that I was once able to do.  I told my husband that I want to go back to working on the food truck at the carnival because at least when I did that I felt like my life had purpose.  Now I feel like I just am alive but I have no purpose to my life.  He tells me that is not true that I am a mother, wife, friend and that he loves me with all of his heart and that makes me feel good and deep down I know it is true but, some days it is harder than others to just make it.  Some days all I do is lay in bed unable to get up and do anything other than go to the bathroom.  Some days I feel as though I am falling apart with all of the things that is wrong with me and then other days I have a more positive outlook and I know that everything is OK.  Well I will leave you all with that thought and a promise to keep posting and pushing myself to be a better me no matter how hard the day is.  I will survive and so will you!!

ok so today I am going to see the movie Fifty Shades Darker.  I am going by myself because I have no one to go with  me.  Being a loner is at times lonely but I really do not have anyone that I talk to or hang around.  If my kid wasn't in Florida then I know she would be around which would be cool because I can somehow always talk to her or hang out with her.  I have another kid in Tennessee but she is too far away also.  I always wanted a big family because I always thought that big families were close but with our that is just not the case.  It seems that as everyone grew up they also grew apart which really breaks my heart.  My husbands family is the same.  They are not close at all and the only time anyone really calls on anyone is if they need something but if you are there for someone don't expect that they will be there for you when you need them.  I hate it really because I was not raised that way.  My mom was always there for us and we always tried to be there for her whenever we could.  Looking back I really wish we would have been around her more because I really do miss her now that she is gone and with dad being gone now also it really hit home just how alone I really feel.  I mean yes I have my husband and we are really close but people just don't realize how much they feel lonely when 1 or even both of their parents are gone.  Ok now on to a different subject and that is the movie that I am going to see, I am excited to see it even though I am going by myself.  I read all of the books and they were fabulously entertaining and steamy.  Some people may be embarrassed about the books and the movies but, I am not.  I find them tittulating and hot.  Some people do not find B and D romantic but, there is something that is so risky and hot about it. Now S and M is a whole other world that I am just not into but the other as long as you are 2 consenting adults and you like it then that is all that matters.  For me what happens in the marriage bed that both people are comfortable with then that is between them and is no one else's business.  Not everyone likes vanilla all the time, some of us like a little swirl now and then.  Ok enough on that subject lol.  Tomorrow I will add my thoughts on how I enjoyed the movie or weather I enjoyed the movie.  The first movie left me wanting more but, I guess they were just testing the waters to see just how far they could go.  I have seen regular movies that have had more sex in them than the first one did.  I'm just saying, it need a little more umph then it had.  Although everyone is entitled to their own opinions and that is just mine.  Well I am going to close with that and go get ready to see my movie.

Nothing to do

Well the kids are back in school.  I just was not able to home school them because they did not want to do the work that I gave them without a constant battle so the best choice for everyone was to put them back in public school.  Now after taking a few minutes a day to clean the house I have nothing to do.  A person can only watch so much tv and play so many video games before you feel that your brain is turning to mush and you feel like screaming from pure boringness. At least when carnival season starts up maybe we can do that.  I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes because I have no one to talk to and the dogs don't talk back.  I would find a job right now but that is pointless because my hubby really doesn't want to me have a job.  I am even having trouble with writing  my blog because I have nothing to write about that seem interesting enough for anyone to read.  At times it feels like all of my nerves are running at once and going crazy and that is not a good feeling at all.  I am waiting to hear back from my knee doctor because the pain in my knees is so bad that I am finding no relief at all and it is killing me.  I am waiting for them to get the shipment in for the injections, not cortizone injections because I have already had those but, a cushion that they are going to inject because my knees are rubbing bone on bone and it is horribly painful.  Between that and the fibromyalga I feel like a big ball of pain most of the time.  I have been doing singing videos which I love because I love to sing.  My mom loved singing too.  Today is her birthday which she is celebrating in heaven.  Maybe that is why I am having a hard time today.  being without her is really hard.  She was the most awesome woman.  I also miss spending time with my daughter and she lives so far away I just wish she would come home.  I missed a lot with my mom living far away and I don't feel like I spent enough time with her and if I would have known that she would have been leaving so soon then I would have spent more time with her and I just don't want my daughter to have to go through what I am going through.  I don't want anyone to have to know the pain of regrets that I am living.  Spend whatever time you can with the family or friends that love you because before you know it they will be gone and you will have missed out on some great moments that you can never get back.