Many people suffer from depression in the world today and it is more talked about now than what it used to be when I was younger. When I was in my 20's I literally thought that I was losing my mind. I tried so hard to be the perfect daughter, wife, and mother and I was battling this thing that was in my head that was driving me nuts. I was raised in the church and the church I was raised in taught that everything bad was the devil and if you prayed enough then you wouldn't have to have medicine. Also, if you were going through anything then it was because you had done something wrong and you should beg for forgiveness and pray through it. So here I was a young wife and mother dealing with all of this pressure and I had no idea that it was not just me. Then when I left the church and got divorced (due to his cheating) I was labeled the bad one because if my faith would have been strong enough then I would not have been the failure. I ended up meeting and marrying a really good man and he encouraged me to see a psychiatrist. It was the strangest thing to talk to someone and for them to tell me that I was not alone and that it is a real medical condition and that I was not alone. The biggest weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I felt normal for the first time in a long time. I am not going to say that the pills were a miracle cure because it took more than just that because I had to go through counseling due to the extreme brainwashing that I had gone through. I am now in my late 40's and yes there are times when I still go through cycles of depression but, it is nothing like it was in the past and I know what steps to take and I don't feel alone anymore. I am writing all of this because I just felt like there might be someone out there that might need to hear this. You are not alone and it is not you. Here recently I have been really going through some ups and downs because we are living in Kentucky and I really hate it here and I desperately want to move home to Florida. Even my doctors have suggested that moving home would be the best thing for us. Kentucky is ok for some people but for us, it is just filled with drama and stress and when we lived in Florida we were so relaxed and less stressed. I know that no place is perfect but, when you are somewhere that you feel at home then life does feel so much better both mentally and physically. It is so hard to describe and put into words how good it felt when we lived in Florida and now I just feel like a weight is around my neck and I can't breathe. We have been saving to try to move and we had money saved and the motor went out on our car so we had to use the money to get another car. Then the car we got the transmission messed up and we had to trade it in on another car. So, now we have reliable transportation but, it feels like we are back at square one. We have looked online and we have found plenty of places to live it is just now coming up with the money all over again. It feels sometimes like we are fighting a losing battle. Even the kids hate it here and want to go home. I hate that it feels like I let them down by moving to Kentucky in the first place 7 years ago. We thought things would feel and be different but, we were way off and now we are paying the price. These are the mind battles that I am dealing with and I am praying that all of it will come to an end soon and we will get the money to go home soon.
