I feel I used to be more of a people person than I am now because people are starting to ride my last nerve. For instance, yesterday we invited some people over to a cookout that we are having today and all they could say was dumb things like, who is going to be there, what are you having, and why can't you have it at the park? Well for one, we will be here, we are having food, and because we want to have it at our house. I mean we are the ones providing all the food and drinks and inviting people over what is the big issue with all the questions? Either you want to come or you don't it is no big deal but, when someone invites you to their place for an event and they are supplying everything then you don't get to make any decisions on how their party is planned. I am so beyond ready to move out of this state because we have so many people that we know here but, no one really wants to spend time with us and that is really sad. We are surrounded by family but, no one here acts like a true family should act. I don't understand it because when I was growing up our family used to get together all of the time especially on holidays and just have fun. We have 10 kids and no one wants to get together and do anything and everyone acts like a bunch of strangers. I am completely fed up with the whole nine yards. I just want to have some friends that we can hang with and get together with and play cards and go out with and just have a good time with. I don't think that is too much to ask. It is not like we want people to be joined at the hip with us because we know that people also have their own lives to live because we do too. But, holidays and times like this are when you are supposed to have people around to have fun with. This is exactly why I say that people are riding on my last nerve right now. For the past two weekends, my husband and I have gone out by ourselves because we didn't have anyone to go out with us. We saw F9 last weekend and The Forever Purge this weekend. Both movies were really good and we did enjoy ourselves but, it would have been nice to have gone with friends too. It feels like we live in a lonely boat surrounded by all of these people but, none of them speak our language. It is a very strange feeling and I don't much like it. These next 34 days will hopefully go by pretty quickly because I plan on keeping myself busy with moving plans, boxing up the house, working on my blog, and working on my YouTube channel. I guess the thing that really disappointed me the most about this cookout was that it is our last one here before we move and no one wants to come. Also, it isn't like the people that we invited have other plans it is just that they dipped out at the last minute. Well, that is okay because we are going to make the best of it and we are going to enjoy ourselves anyway with just us five. When it comes down to it in the end you really find out where your loyalty lies at the end of the day and that is with the ones in our house. I just hope that when they are grown and move out that their loyalty stays with us and they don't change as the others did. For me, that would be so disappointing. I really don't like how I have become with people honestly. I used to be such a people person. I loved meeting new people and talking to others but, now I am very guarded and I am always just waiting for them to hurt me in some way. I have become in a way bitter toward people and I don't really know how to make myself learn how to trust some people while not allowing myself to be completely destroyed in the process all over again. It seems that every time I get close to someone they just want to use me and then fling me away like a used toy that is of no use to them anymore. Once my usefulness has run out then our friendship somehow ends. I raised my husband's kids and once raised I am no longer needed as a mother so they have turned their backs on me, his parents use me for what I can do for them, and when I am not doing for them then they don't want or need me around, even two of my own kids are grown and no longer want me around and I don't know why, and on and on goes the list. After being hurt so many times you tend to build up a wall and you don't let people in that may truly want to be a friend. I don't know how to fix this and all my therapist can say is that I should write a letter to them but, what good is that going to do? If I write a letter to the people that have hurt me and tell them how I feel the only thing that will accomplish with this family is more hurt and resentment. Nothing would come of it and they would tell me to suck it up. Believe me, I know because people have told each other how they have felt before and why and their response to them was, "oh well, that's on you not me, get over it!". I refuse to go through all of that just to be told that from people who know very well that they are clearly at fault. For me writing this blog and working on my YouTube channel is the best therapy to help me clear my head and not get overwhelmed with all the stress and worry about who likes me and who doesn't. Well, I will close on that note. Thank you for reading. Have a safe and wonderful 4th of July.
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