Here lately I have a huge problem with nervous snacking. My nerves are shot and life seems to be really kicking me while I'm down. I feel on edge at all times and I have to find ways to keep my hands busy because otherwise I will have no fingernails or I will constantly be eating snacks. I am not at all happy at bout it either. My doctor won't prescribe anything and I don't understand why because in Florida I was on something and cold turkey I'm not now. I have tried yoga, deep breathing and stuff like that but nothing helps. I am now crocheting a blanket for my husband and sometimes that doesn't even help. My insides shake and my legs and hands shake and at times it feels as though I am losing my mind. Talks with my daughter in Florida help because she understands what I am going through. Grief sucks really bad. I want to leave this state because it really does depress me everytime I live here in fall further into a depression. It is not healthy for anyone to live life this way. I would love to be at least simi normal. Even my kids are not happy living here and the schools are terrible. Something has got to give and soon or I feel as though I might lose what little I have left of my mind and soul. I need help and I don't know where to turn because the counselor didn't help she suggested coping skills that I have already tried that don't help. I just want to be in a place where I am happy and I feel as though I am not just existing but yet I really am living life. I am tired of crying on a daily basis and feeling alone. I am supposed to be the strong one not this weak and useless piece of nothing. Soon hopefully soon things will change for the better. Right now I am homeschooling the kids because of the schools here and I feel like I am a failure at that because I suddenly feel at a loss. I want the kids to be in school and to have fun and enjoy life as children should but here that isn't possible because the school isn't as it should be. I just am just holding onto the hope that soon we can leave this God forsaken place and move to where we can all be happy and really enjoy life again like we used to.
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