Between a rock and a hard place

Have you ever been in situations in your life where you truly feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place?  Well I am truly caught up in this problem right now in my life. Have you ever been betrayed my someone and so hurt that you build up a wall and you feel like you can never trust that person again? Has someone hurt someone you love so bad that they are now having to deal with the emotional wounds and scars that the person left but, the person that did the damage is also someone you love?  Have you ever tried to protect someone from the emotional harm but, you don't quite know what to do because when you start to pick and choose sides then someone that you love is also going to be hurt?  What if the person that has done all the damage is someone you truly love and they have hit rock bottom and have asked for forgiveness and you forgive them knowing that the person that they hurt is going to be upset by your actions but, you are hoping and praying that this is the time that they have truly changed and you don't want to be cruel and give them a reason to relapse or end their life?  I am truly having to make some hard decisions in my life right now and I am so lost on what the right choice is at this time.  Well for those of you who don't know or maybe I haven't said let me do some explaining and please if anyone has any input or advice that they would like to give me please feel free to give it to me because I am truly at a loss on what to do at this point.  Ok from the top, it all started 14 years ago when my step-daughter who I help raise and I love dearly went to live with her mother and she ended upgetting pregnant at 14 years old. Yes that is not a typo you read that correctly she was 14.  Well she ended up having a drug problem and was unable to care for the baby so we have raised him as our own and he is 13 now.  Then almost 2 years later she had a little girl which she was also unable to raise do to drugs and we have raised her and she is now 11.  During the course of 3-4 years after her second child she gave birth to 3 more children.  A girl who lives with the baby daddy's sister, a boy who got adopted by a wonderful christian family and another girl who lives with her daddy.  She ended up getting married while she was pregnant with the last child but, the marriage failed and he divorced her and got sole custody of the baby girl.  During the past 13 years she has been in and out of the kids lives sometimes good times and then other times extremly bad times.  She has been in and out of jail and relationships and on and off drugs.  It has been an extreme chaos of emotions and mental illness and the rollercoaster needs to come to an end.  I have always been hopefully that she would straighten her life up because she is like such an amazingly smart and awsome person.  She has a college degree in the medical field but, of her record and drug usage she can nolonger use it. I am really sad for her.  Also she has missed out on some really amazing events in the kids lives.  I know that mental illness can be passed down through genes but, some of it is brought on by life choices and experiences that you have.  Mental illness runs rampid through her mother's side of the family and father's side of the family so it is like hit or miss.  Then on top of that her life choices and experiences and situations that she has put herself into and because of that now the children that I am raising are dealing with mental illness and baggage that she has unloaded onto them.  I know as a mother it is my job to protect my children but, I really don't know what to do when the children I am trying to protect are being harmed mental by another one of my children.  I am so confused because I love all of my children biological or otherwise just the same.  I have never made a difference in how I treat any of my children.  Yes I have been extremly disappointed in my kids because they have treated me like crap and turned on me and I have been really hurt and wounded mentally by them but, as a mother I have never stopped loving them and praying that they would change their ways. I am trying to be there for her because I know that she has noone and that she tells everyone that no matter what she knows that I love her and will always be there for her which tells me that at least I am doing something right.  She told her friend that her mom, talking about me (her biological mother overdoesed on drugs) will always love her even though I don't love the things that she might be doing or the choices that she is making in her life.  If any of you have kept up with my blogs you can see that I have been on this emotional rollercoaster for awhile now and I have been confused and at might breaking point more often than not.  So this is my delima, my older daughter (the biological mother) has mental hurt the 2 younger kids by the words that she has spoken to them and not being there when she was needed and now they have an anger and resentment against her but, deep down still love her and are confused as to how to handle it because you never know if this is the time that she gets clean and stays clean and really has changed for the good.  I really want to believe that this is it but, you know there is still that thought in the back of my mind that says be careful because you are just going to get hurt yet again and then what.  I am going to try and scheduale me an appointment to talk with someone because this is bigger than me and I need help.  Well I am going to close for now.  Peace and Love to all my friends and family.