The ups and downs of life

My life seems to be a series of ups and downs not only day to day but here lately minute to minute.  I used to love rollercoasters but, now all I can do is say "I want off this rollercoaster!"  If it isn't me battleing my own demons in my head it is one of the kids with their emotional baggage or my husband with all of his whatever.  Then there is the two dogs, the house and a rabbit.  Between appointments and junk I feel overwellmed at times and I just have to keep reminding myself to breath.  Will this rollercoaster ever stop?  I mean if it wasn't a constant thing like every minute not knowing what kind of mood the kids will be in and weither or not they will be getting along or what will set them off at any given moment.  For example they were both fixing their own breakfast and helping each other and getting along just fine and then in the next minute after my husband asked me about my appointments for tomorrow and that is what set them off this time.  They were arguing about who needed therapy and who didn't need therapy and why the other one needed therapy more than the other one.  I mean for real at this point I feel like our dogs probably need therapy and maybe even the rabbit.  If I don't laugh then I will be balled up in the fetal position in a corner somewhere crying my eyes out or screaming my lungs out or both at the same time.  I know that this isn't the first set of teenagers that we have raised but, I for the life of me cannot remember the others being this difficult.  These kids can be the sweetest most well mannered children ever but in just a flip of the switch they turn into little demons like the spawn from satan.  One minute I can ask them to do something and they are like "yes maam" and then I can ask them to do the same thing another time and they will say "whatever" and oh how I now hate that word.  I used to not mind the word whatever used in a sentence but, now with having raging homonal teenagers I absolutly hate that word.  I don't really feel like I have been a bad parent except for the times when I am in my head and those stupid voices are trying to convence me that somehow the way that all the kids are is my fault.  I mean I know down deep inside that I am not fully to blame but, sometimes those voices like to use me as a scapegoat.  Then there are times when I have to get angry and act like a raving lunitic to get them to even hear me.  Then I sound like an idiot like today I gave them a rule of they are not allowd to argue in my room.  Well that worked for awhile until they realized that all they have to do is just walk out of my room.  I think they invent the dumbest stuff to argue about.  For instance they were playing a video game together and deside to argue about the color of shirts their characters were wearing.  Also they were arguing over how fast the game was loading.  Then they want to call each other names and then tell me what punishment the other one should recieve and how they shouldn't be in trouble because clearly the other person started it and I must be deaf because I can't hear it they way that they heard it and how they are right even though it didn't happen the way they are claiming it happened.  I really at these times question my sanity.  I really feel at times like I am losing what little bit of my mind that I have left.  I often ask myself "is this what a nervous breakdown feels like?"  I wonder if they would put me in a padded cell with WIFI?  Does the place serve blue jello because I really do like blue jello.  Would they bring me coffee in the mornings and diet mountain dew the rest of the day?  Would I have to do housework?  Would it be quiet?  Yep these are my fantisies dreaming of being put in a padded room on the funny farm.  Most people fantisize about living a dream life and here I sit blowing spit bubbles dreaming of a padded room.  No I really don't think I am normal and I don't even know what normal is anymore.  Yippy skippy for me I get to spend 2 and half months with them 24/7 until school starts back in August.  Is it to early to make a count down calendar?  I love my family with all of my heart but, there is a lot of the time that they ride on my non-excistent last nerve.  I think at times they are using it for a jumprope or tying each other up with it.  Yep comedy is my only releif.  Well closing for yet another day of spin the wheel on the old "how can I drive mom crazy" wheel.  Love and Peace to all my friends and family.